[[2022-05-15]] https://suzannechang.net/ https://youtu.be/jgrYn81tSns 0:01 so what we call a person isn't real 0:09 what we call a person is this illusory effect 0:28 like in the story you can say when the body was young 0:35 there was a sense of an owning and claiming of the body that 0:40 i'm i am 0:46 and then [Music] maybe become strengthened by 0:53 society and people around us that 1:02 tell us that we need to believe in something we need we need an opinion we need a position we need to know where we 1:09 stand what we're all about what our interests are who we are as a person 1:16 you need to achieve something to feel good enough 1:22 and whole and complete and when there is that sense of me i am 1:31 there is this seeking or i'm separate from 1:36 i'm not whole this isn't freedom this isn't complete 1:42 and this this sense of separation [Music] you know 1:48 in subtle or big ways is really painful 1:56 and maybe most kids can sense that something's off 2:02 i don't know 2:08 so over time over a parent time that can grow it seems 2:15 and then it seems like there can be this deconstruction or 2:20 this lessening of that effect 2:43 but all of that is a story all of that never actually happened nothing is actually happening 2:58 throughout all that it's always been just this 3:03 it's always been home it's always been just this utter total freedom 3:10 unbound free totally free 3:15 no border no edge no separation 3:26 it's always been liberation it's always been just this 4:08 you know that feels really good that can feel really 4:16 true it can it can resonate 4:24 and when it's really heard it can be really devastating 4:30 because even though this life is a dream 4:37 even though the person is an illusory effect 4:43 it felt really real 4:49 separation felt really real and 4:58 the whole life my past the present and the future 5:03 my relationships everything i did 5:10 all of my choices and decisions everything that i really value 5:17 everything i see is important and meaningful all the purpose 5:25 i had and the dreams hopes and dreams for the future 5:31 all of that disintegrates when this is really heard 5:41 this is it this the simplicity of just this 6:11 there can be a lot of devastation and sadness that comes up 6:17 and it can it can not necessarily but like it can be 6:23 difficult because it's new for the body and the body 6:30 is used to having hope for a better future a better something a next a next 6:35 moment 6:41 but if i described what this deep sadness felt like here 6:48 it was so raw so intense and it was just that 6:54 there was no next moment there was no time 7:02 so there could have been a mental saying this won't last forever because nothing 7:07 lasts forever but that seeking energy 7:13 wasn't there anymore so it was just what it was it was just sadness 7:20 and 7:25 it felt like the end of the world it felt so intense 7:30 and [Music] you know it wasn't pleasant 7:38 um 7:46 it's it is hard to remember exactly how it felt now because it is so fleeting 7:52 it's hard to put it in a story it's can't be cleaned and owned 8:07 but there is a wanting to mention that it can feel really devastating when it's 8:13 really recognized that all of the meaning that was put onto everything 8:18 drops it dissolves 8:33 like when when suzanne seemed 8:38 here there was a lot of underlying meaning put to family the value she had 8:47 around family the most important thing maybe it was up there with enlightenment 8:53 i'm not sure um but whenever she was really really sad 9:01 there was never a real wanting to [Music] end life because of 9:09 how much she valued family and those relationships and a future with them 9:16 and this feeling like i'm important to them they're important to me 9:24 um [Music] and that was gone 9:29 that energetic bond 9:35 that came from a conceptual idea of my 9:40 parents um that was gone 9:49 and it was devastating it was devastating to see that and it passed 9:56 and there's still love and care for them 10:01 it's not like the relationship actually died the conceptual 10:07 it's not just conceptual it's just it's just this sense of an energetic me 10:15 bonded with a projection of a separate them 10:24 but when when that drops here an emptiness is seen 10:36 when it's so clearly seen that it's emptiness thinking emptiness emotioning emptiness feeling emptiness 10:43 moving 10:50 then the projected person the projected reality in that body 10:56 also dissolves 11:02 it's kind of like it's an empty body and the body is just an appearance the 11:08 body is also nothing there isn't a real entity or person in 11:14 that body that is my mom or my dad 11:20 [Music] and that there's still a family familiarity 11:25 there's still a bond from body to body there's still a 11:30 i guess at least here like a comfort um 11:36 there could be a missing there could be an excitement to see 11:42 them so that's still here like the body still 11:47 has that kind of condition it doesn't just forget 11:53 everything but there is no ownership of that there 11:59 is no ownership of i miss her it's just 12:04 missing or i'm excited to see her it's just an excitement 12:13 and so i feel like the person kind of amplifies 12:20 feelings in a sense like there could be excitement in the body 12:27 and then the person has a conceptual idea of why they're 12:32 excited like we're gonna do all of this stuff and it's gonna be great and we're gonna 12:37 bond and whatever whatever the story might be 12:44 it amplifies the excitement or or whatever emotion there is 12:53 you know it can seemingly do that but it's 12:58 it's an effect it's not actually 13:03 real 13:09 it's crazy because it feels so real you know 13:21 um 13:28 [Music] 13:36 [Music] so 13:45 you know there were apparent moments like that of the deep sadness 13:52 a clear and clear seeing of this emptiness of this nothingness 14:03 but what seems to remain is this unconditional love that's totally 14:08 impersonal it has nothing to do with the person 14:14 there's just this unconditional love that's not really locatable 14:21 you can't really pinpoint it it's not even necessarily a feeling 14:31 it seems all pervading 14:39 it seems like it is everything it seems like this nothingness is 14:47 unconditional love 14:58 so there was a devastation here that the flavors of the person 15:06 were really thinning away until they were gone 15:14 and it seems more and more difficult for [Music] 15:19 for things that used to interest and 15:24 excited what we would call the person here it didn't do that anymore so the 15:31 excitement and things seemed gone 15:36 and it was sad 15:45 you know unimagined future was just seen as totally non-existent it was seen as a 15:52 total imagination so relating to people in that sense just 15:58 didn't happen just couldn't happen 16:04 so there were these little little moments of just deep sadness that 16:15 were showing me the effects of the person 16:33 so now that there is kind of this settling [Music] within the body 16:43 you know the body is more used to this groundlessness 16:49 this emptiness this nothingness it does feel like there is a settling 16:56 and 17:14 and there is this okayness there is this simplicity 17:37 you can kind of relate it to maybe 17:44 what a baby would feel like with no ability to differentiate or 17:50 distinguish a me and a them 17:56 a me and a you or a me and a world it wouldn't be able to differentiate an 18:02 inside and outside 18:10 i would say that there is 18:18 that kind of sense where there really is no separation and it's just what it is 18:24 it's just what's happening and nothing's actually happening 18:29 there is this evenness there is this not knowing what anything is 18:38 and there's this subtle gentle wonderment 18:44 and awe 18:50 that seems to come from or come with this unknowing everything is so utterly unknown 19:01 and this isn't a personal sense you know it's not a feeling it's just 19:13 this unknown is so 19:19 all pervading 19:25 all-encompassing so thorough 19:33 it obliterates everything it shatters everything 19:41 and it shows you that this was always the case that nothing was ever known 19:50 that there was never a person that the effect was an appearance 19:57 and it was never really there nothing was actually happening 20:03 the story was never real 20:12 and everything was always unknown it was just unknowing 20:21 the apparent knowing of i am 20:28 was this unknowing all along 20:34 all of it was this emptiness all along 20:42 there was never any separation there was never any you and a me there 20:48 was never a person 20:53 there was never anyone in the body owning the body claiming actions and deeds 21:01 or decisions 21:08 it may have really felt like that but there was never anyone there 21:18 it was all just what was happening and nothing was happening 21:38 so it can feel really devastating that nothing has any 21:43 meaning 21:49 you know the illusory effect can crumble and it's not 21:55 necessarily pretty 22:04 it doesn't necessarily feel nice for 22:09 you and your life to crumble to disappear 22:15 to vanish 22:28 but what remains is what was always the case 22:37 it's just seen more clearly that it was always the case 22:43 that there was never anyone there that could leave that could come back 22:49 that could come closer that could get further away 22:55 all of that was this beautiful appearance a beautiful story 23:02 a beautiful happening 23:09 and none of it actually happened [Music] 23:15 no one was born no one died 23:23 it apparently appeared that way 23:36 was it beautiful was the dream beautiful was the dream horrific 23:44 was it devastating was it 23:57 it was all of it it's all of it 24:03 there is a beauty to it there is there's an absolute beauty to the dream 24:08 there is such beauty to the story to all stories 24:22 but it was never really real 24:44 this is crazy it's crazy 25:11 there is really such a beauty to this message 25:18 this is it this is home no one left 25:23 no one came back there's no one there already 25:28 this is it 25:38 and this this message isn't i don't think it's 25:43 helpful to use it as a technique 25:49 to try and convince oneself that the story isn't real that i'm not real 25:55 that i don't exist 26:01 sure it can be tried there's nothing wrong with that but if the story does feel really real if 26:08 something is really nagging and turning [Music] 26:14 um something's really bothering 26:21 can't even if something's really bothering you or there's a lot of tension in the body and 26:29 it feels really real i don't see anything wrong with talking 26:37 about the story about 26:42 attempting to alleviate some things attempting to untangle some things 26:48 um no one would be doing that 26:57 attempting to have a mental understanding of some things um 27:08 it's not a wrong or bad thing if the story feels real 27:14 if i feel real there is no preference to get rid of 27:21 anything this is just a description 27:32 and this is a scene that everything is this 27:39 that the sense of me is this the illusory effect of the person is 27:45 this 27:50 all stories are this 28:12 fox [Music] 28:19 so what we call decisions and choices aren't yours you can't make a wrong or right decision 28:27 it's just what's happening the body is just doing what it's doing there is no owning and claiming of any 28:34 of it it might feel like you're doing it 28:41 and there's nothing wrong with that 28:50 it might feel like you're thinking this or you're feeling this 28:56 there's nothing wrong with that 29:09 it's just a sense it's just an effect 29:15 and it's already just this 29:22 there's nothing you have to do nothing you have to undo 29:29 nothing you have to stop doing the body just does what it does 30:16 there were there were some moments where i really 30:23 i really felt bipolar because there was just 30:28 crying it was just laughing 30:36 there was no remembering of 30:41 what the sadness was really about or if it happened 31:06 but i i feel like that is how babies just respond and react 31:11 you know that's just how their body is like there's just these emotions that come up it's just raw emotions 31:18 there's no real story to it there's no reason for it 31:24 like it just appears and that's kind of how 31:30 it's been feeling 31:44 the dropping of this effect this effect of i need to appear a 31:51 certain way i need to be a certain way i'm this way and 31:57 yeah just being defined 32:04 um since that's gone it's just emotions it's just 32:15 sadness just laughter just the simplicity 32:29 of this 32:55 oh